Counting My Blessings:
It wasn’t until recently when I finally realized what a blessed year this has been for me. Through all the ups and downs; the battles and wars I fought; the tears, anger, frustrations; the slim chances of a good time being sprinkled precariously throughout the previous months [and only to have them stepped on making them seem like a figment of my imagination - yea...bitter-sweet memories]…I found the secret to putting life on "hold".
Before Tuesday, there have not been 5 consecutive days where
the struggle to find peace and relaxation didn’t exist. Heading towards a
downward cycle where negative energy kept eating itself and one bad thing
leading to another, it prevented me from focusing on just me and living in a
way I could be proud of. It was hard to be grateful for the gift of life, to
fully appreciate the small blessings I ran into on the rare occasions, and to
allow myself to catch a breath when needed. Sparing
you all from the nitty gritty details and all the sad stories of my life [I
will continue without them] haha…After spending the past year treading
water and trying to keep my head aloft I have experienced 3 days of complete
serenity.
Whether if it’s the ice cold winds, the chances of a white
Christmas, the holiday cheer or the thought of sharing a little box of happiness
with another person, it’s during this time of year where I find time
freezes…even when the body is moving and feet still walking, the mind gets a
chance to breathe naturally as we once did.
Although short, there has been enough time for me to let go of a lot of past resentment, the whole “why me” factor and to acknowledge and really cherish all the blessings I have encountered throughout 2012. I have been graced with new friends and mentors; I made peace with past friends where the elephant in the room never seemed to go away; through all the trials and difficult times, there has been so much to learn and take away from, and even more to be grateful for. And one of the greatest are my brothers who showed me a side of them that I knew always existed but never to been able see until now - the love and care they have for me and my happiness is something that is so precious, that you can’t even begin to express in words.
Focusing On Me:
As we grasped our first breath of air as a newborn, to others it was a miraculous sight but for us, it was life independent of anyone else streaming through our veins. As I was confronted with new obstacles, it was as if I was living a tale in a Korean Drama. I was so out of sync with my own life that living for myself and aiming my attention on defining who I am in this world was brought to a halt. When I was full of heartache and resentment, I could only see what a waste this year has been...I did not accomplish anything or progress any further in establishing myself in society -- career-wise. During these past three days I began to embrace the idea that although getting a job and figuring out what I want to do in the future, there is more to life than that. Through heartaches, lesons were learned, relationships grew closer and a lot of self-realization went around. Taking this new outlook on 2012, focusing on me has been a much easier task.
Repair:
Although there are times when you feel your mind, heart and physical being are working as three separate departments, they all exist under one head. And when one suffers, it takes a toll on the rest. As the heart sinks, the mind will grow heavy and the body will weaken. Being subdued to that one state for a prolonged amount of time, it’s like being bedridden with no desire to fight any longer. But not to worry, as you lie bedridden, family and friends will come to visit reminding you of the love and happiness that surrounds you and they will be the heart, mind and body for you until you get back on your feet. And for me, the days leading to Christmas day are the days I cherish the most throughout the year because that is when I come to accept this fact the most. And as the cold winds freeze the holiday spirit at it's peak, and with the life outside of the physical world at a stand still…the heart, spirit, soul or whatever you want to call it, gives us a time to recharge.
Although short, there has been enough time for me to let go of a lot of past resentment, the whole “why me” factor and to acknowledge and really cherish all the blessings I have encountered throughout 2012. I have been graced with new friends and mentors; I made peace with past friends where the elephant in the room never seemed to go away; through all the trials and difficult times, there has been so much to learn and take away from, and even more to be grateful for. And one of the greatest are my brothers who showed me a side of them that I knew always existed but never to been able see until now - the love and care they have for me and my happiness is something that is so precious, that you can’t even begin to express in words.
Focusing On Me:
As we grasped our first breath of air as a newborn, to others it was a miraculous sight but for us, it was life independent of anyone else streaming through our veins. As I was confronted with new obstacles, it was as if I was living a tale in a Korean Drama. I was so out of sync with my own life that living for myself and aiming my attention on defining who I am in this world was brought to a halt. When I was full of heartache and resentment, I could only see what a waste this year has been...I did not accomplish anything or progress any further in establishing myself in society -- career-wise. During these past three days I began to embrace the idea that although getting a job and figuring out what I want to do in the future, there is more to life than that. Through heartaches, lesons were learned, relationships grew closer and a lot of self-realization went around. Taking this new outlook on 2012, focusing on me has been a much easier task.
Repair:
Although there are times when you feel your mind, heart and physical being are working as three separate departments, they all exist under one head. And when one suffers, it takes a toll on the rest. As the heart sinks, the mind will grow heavy and the body will weaken. Being subdued to that one state for a prolonged amount of time, it’s like being bedridden with no desire to fight any longer. But not to worry, as you lie bedridden, family and friends will come to visit reminding you of the love and happiness that surrounds you and they will be the heart, mind and body for you until you get back on your feet. And for me, the days leading to Christmas day are the days I cherish the most throughout the year because that is when I come to accept this fact the most. And as the cold winds freeze the holiday spirit at it's peak, and with the life outside of the physical world at a stand still…the heart, spirit, soul or whatever you want to call it, gives us a time to recharge.
As this year is nearing its end, God saved the best for last
and has shown me once again how I have more than just Him watching me, I have a
loving family and the most amazing friends walking beside me through life.
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So, that’s enough serious talk, right? Time for some updates and HOLIDAY CHEER!
I am currently in that place where I’m ready to make a
decision between working, volunteering and going to graduate school. Though
it’s not set in stone yet, I am leaning towards volunteering at a non-profit
while studying for my GRE’s and if all goes well and I can imagine myself as a
student again, I will be off to school again. If it’s not a great fit or
different door opens itself to me, I will seize
the opportunity!
Last month or so I bought myself a few small gifts. Two from Stella & Dot (there was a sale, where the colbalt bracelet was discounted for about 10 or so dollars!) And these two really cool watches. I bought a white watch which will help feed 16 children and a black watch which will aid in giving support to 8 cancer patients! :) Changing the world 1:Face at a time. (The shade of the white watch is best represented in the pictures where I am wearing it)
Happy Holidays and I hope that as 2013 approaches, you will be able to have the chance to find some peace and happiness of your own. J
Mucho <3
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