Story #6: Finding Your Feet

To become more comfortable in whatever you are doing.
~ Thanks to Idiom Site

For me, having high aspirations and dreaming big was always the easy part. I have always wanted to do so much and to be so many different things; but, there was always something that held me back. There was always that black box that weighed so heavily on me, that it prevented me from taking the next step to pursue my goals and dreams. This isn't something that I had no clue about before, but it was something that I wouldn't fully admit, or... admit enough to myself so that I could have the courage to do something about it. Well, this past Tuesday, I finally confronted that black box.

I went to a ProScout event, where getting a callback meant you were invited to the invitational ProScout event. At this event you will have the chance to meet 30-40 major modeling and acting agencies. Being in that room filled with kids sitting by their parents, it was right then and there where I was able to confront this black box. And this black box was fear; the fear of failing and the fear of rejection. In any situation like this, all that would run through my head would be, "there's no way I can make it", "look at all the other kids, I can never be one of the best", "what makes someone want to pick me over that gorgeous kid over there?" And because of these constant doubts, I was never confident enough to try a lot of things. It was easier to avoid those situations than to confront my fear. And when I was forced to do something where I didn't want to fail, I would put forth minimum effort. Why? This may sound stupid, but to me it was easier to accept failure in something that I didn't try hard in than to fail at something where tried my best. If I failed without trying hard, then I could keep my pride and have a full proof excuse as to why I failed.

I took a deep breath and went for it. I thought to myself, it didn't matter if I didn't get a call back, it didn't matter if they didn't like me; all that mattered was that I was putting myself out there and that I was finally taking the first step to pursuing a dream. Well, lo and behold (not that it ended up being really a difficult process to get an invitation) I was invited to the ProScout invitational event in February. Although February is really when things will be tough, I hope that the confidence I gained from this experience can help me continue this momentum to really put forth my best effort. I am finally starting to find my feet.