when life meets reality...


mysterious encounters r déjà vu r serendipity moments r mistakes r opportunities r

to forgive and forget r awkward silences r laughter r joyful tears r love r hopeful comings

** “Story #'s” **

posts that focus on the major movements of my life. They are the stories that make up the journey: When life meets reality.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Story #64: Waiting for my second wind

My free time has been spent looking at photos...




...reading random articles and watching these inspirational videos on TED: Ideas worth spreading


"Normal", autistic, ADD, ADHD, developmental disorders or illnesses, painful or not, they all have their own hidden blessing; its own diamond in the rough. What's yours?
 
When I am re-introduced to a life of motivation and determination, stripping away the laziness that has accumulated over the past few weeks, I will take a journey into living a full busy life and filling my empty time wisely. As stated yesterday, I will exercise and eat healthier; continue with my leisurely readings and slowly increase my Korean speaking skills. Learning and re-learning math, physics and finance with the help of the videos that Salman Kahn has so kindly taken the time to post for millions of people like me to learn at our own pace in the comfort of our own home.
Khan Academy


Rituals signify more than just a passageway or a ceremony, giving formal "rights" to the next phase in a political, societal or individual functions in life. It serves on one or all levels of obligation to the community, "satisfaction of spiritual or emotional needs of the practitioners, strengthening of social bonds, social and moral education, demonstration of respect or submission, stating one's affiliation, obtaining social acceptance or approval for some event—or, sometimes, just for the pleasure of the ritual itself" (wikipedia). It has a symbolic value that reflects an underlying feeling, and an unspoken understanding between those who seek the cultural understanding and enlightenment that is embedded in these momentous rituals. To them, there is a meaning, importance and urgency. Whether if they are small or large, serviced for the poor or the rich, or for the individual or for the mass, there is greater intention than a mere performance.

Examples of rituals: rites of passage of certain societies or cults, oaths of allegiance, inaugurations, marriages and funerals, graduations, themed parties, and "even common actions like hand-shaking and saying hello may be termed rituals" (wikipedia).

Abraham Verghese -- taken from his own written work:
"There is an indelible scene that comes back to me often and without invitation. But in recalling it as I write this, I'm no longer distressed; it has taken all these years to find reassurance in this memory. It harks back to the time when I made regular visits to the sickbeds of patients dying with AIDS in the era before modern therapy. I remember the reluctance, the sense of failure that enveloped me when I went by the room on rounds or paid a home visit. I never knew what to do, what to say. Out of that awkwardness and embarrassment, I'd fall back into the only role I knew to play at the bedside: I'd feel the pulse, then gently pull down the eyelid to see the color of the mucous membrane, then examine the tongue, sound out the hollow chest with the time-honored technique of percussion, listen to the lungs, then feel the abdomen—my ritual. I recall so many pairs of eyes of so many people—all of them now long dead, but their names still vivid, fresh on my tongue—huge haunted eyes in hollowed-out sockets, staring up at me as I performed my exam. And when I was finished, I'd take my leave, and the next day I'd do it again.
I recall one patient who was, at that point, no more than a skeleton encased in shrinking skin, unable to speak, his mouth crusted with candida that was resistant to the usual medications. When he saw me on what turned out to be his last hours on earth, his hands moved as in slow motion, and as I wondered what he was up to, his stick fingers made their way up to his pajama shirt, fumbling with his buttons. I realized that he was wanting to expose his wicker-basket chest to me: it was an offering, an invitation. I didn't decline. I percussed, palpated, and auscultated. I think he surely must have known by then that it was vital for me, just as it seemed necessary for him. Neither of us could skip this ritual, which had nothing to do with detecting rales in his lungs, or finding the gallop rhythm of heart failure. No, this ritual was about the one message that physicians have needed to convey to their patients, although God knows, of late, in our hubris we seem to have forgotten, we seem to have drifted away, as if with the explosion of knowledge, the whole human genome mapped out at our feet, we are lulled into forgetting that the ritual is cathartic to the physician and necessary for the patient, forgetting that the ritual has meaning and a singular message to convey to the patient. And the message, which I didn't fully understand then, even as I delivered it, and which I understand better now, is this: I will always, always be there, I will see you through this, I will never abandon you, I will be with you through the end."

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Contingent on weather, tomorrow I will be taking a few pictures under the guidance of an inspiring individual. I will expand more in tomorrows post!

More updates to come!
Mucho <3

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Story #63: taking it slow

Before I throw myself back into the modeling and acting world, maybe it would be best to go with the flow and make the most of this "slow season" -- all actors and models have dry periods, which is why there is no financial stability in this line of work (unless you're a superstar). I will start off with a self examination; answering the life questions that will hopefully help me figure out myself as well as what I want to do with my life if acting and modeling does not pan out. Second, to fully re-energize myself for the hectic days to come. And third, to create good habits again. Go to sleep at a more reasonable time, eat healthier and exercise. I know this has come up a lot, but these past couple weeks have honestly been terrible. I really need to make a genuine effort in this area.

But before I can move on, I have to figure out what I truly believe. I understand what Denzel Washington was trying to get at during his 2011 Commencement speech at the University of Pennsylvania, reference: Story #38.

I found that nothing in life is worthwhile unless you take risks…I never understood that concept, having something to fall back on. If I’m going to fall, I don’t want to fall back on anything, except my faith. I want to fall forward" spoken words by Denzel Washington at UPenn's 2011 Commencement

(there was a glitch when I posted this causing everything after this was deleted. I rewrote everything to the best of my memory)

From what I gather, risks are to be taken head on. So, stop packing the emergency flares, stop creating back up plan #1, 2 and 3, and stop carrying around a Marry Poppins bag. All of these things hold you back from taking a leap of faith and just experiencing the risk for what it's worth. You'll never be able to fly as high as you can if you are always strapped down to something. I love this idea, but in the back of my mind, I wonder about the flip side. Not the far end of the spectrum where you live risk free.

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” ~ Leo F. Buscaglia (Thinkexist.com)

Through risks you grow as a person. And no matter what risks are taken, there are only two outcomes: you succeed with more experience and confidence under your belt or you fail and become wiser and more experienced. Either way, it was the next needed step to get somewhere new in life. So if the answer is not falling forward, and the obvious solution is not to stop taking risks, then that leaves the idea shared with the director of Blue Bloods. You should take risks and pursue your dreams, but you should be wise. Especially in the line of business that I have entered in where everyone are fickle and where success is not based on merit, but primarily on who you know and what you can do with your connections. So wouldn't it be smart to use my UPenn degree or feel out the waters in other interests that are reasonable enough to make a career? Maybe I can start on my studies for needed to obtain a job in the education or medical field. It doesn't matter what the options are or what options are taken but the idea is to have a back up plan in case things fall through. Why waste time? If all ends poorly at least there will be something fall back on so that I don't have to start from scratch.

Or can it be that there is more of a middle ground. Take risks head on but stay well rounded. Keep honing the skills acquired over a lifetime but not with the idea that they are tying you down, or that they are to be considered a back up plan. But more in the notion of having the skills to being the best person you can be -- finding the middle ground of being a person that is a jack of all trades and being the master of one. Basically what it boils down to, is that you need to trust in yourself and your abilities. Do what ever it takes to believe that even if you take a wrong turn and all spirals out of hand, that when you hit rock bottom, you will be able to get back up and begin a new journey.

And I leave you with these last words from Denzel Washington:
"To not only take risks, but to be open to life. To accept new views and to be open to new opinions...while it may be frightening, it will also be rewarding. Because the chances you take, the people you meet, the people you love, the faith that you have, that's what's going to define you" (Story #38)
More updates are sure to come! -- updates will be here sooner than you think, got something going on Friday, all weather permitting
Mucho <3

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Story #62: Short, quick and fun

I definitely traveled for a longer amount of time than I spent actually working. I had a 6:15 am call time and got wrapped at 9am. And of those 2 hours and 45 min, I worked maybe 10 min. And as usual on Blue Bloods, background doesn't do much...at all. We were so far in the distance that I don't even think you could see us as a blurry figure!...sadness. But hopefully, I'll get paid for the 8 hours. At least the early wrap time allowed me to run some errands, go to the bank, return some clothes, go shopping (NY = dropping money = sad face). I was done so early in the day, that even after all the walking, talking and shopping, I still caught the 1pm train home.

There was some good news and okay news that came within the short day.  Good news, I made friends with one of the directors...he's so cool! He looks like an old time tennis coach! haha. Anyways, I'm really grateful for the conversation we had. It was both inspiring and eye opening. To start, his family has a history of cancer, and he was eventually diagnosed with it twice in his life, he was told that he would only have a couple months to live. But with mind over matter and taking some serious risks, he became one of those miracle stories. He went from losing all his hair and nails in one shower, to being a healthy and inspiring man of today. He mentors at least 50 people per year and as cliche as it sounds, brings new meaning to life to others. Furthermore, he has really challenged me to look at what I'm doing and if I could be doing more; he brought an honest light to this fickle business. Although I "knew" about everything he told me...I didn't actually "know" it, you know what I mean? I knew that this business was all based on who you knew and not completely by merit. I knew that because of this, many bad actors got a break while there are many talented actors who will always struggle trying to make a name for themselves. But I guess, I never really took the time to take it all in and to be honest with myself about where I fit into all this mess. How all of this entertainment behind the scenes chaos really effected me. With that, he discouraged the idea of taking this job full time and encouraged me to pursue other areas of interest that I may have. To use my ivy college degree and to explore more. I'm young, full of energy and if I really put in the effort, I could technically jump into a few things at once and not limit myself to just acting. This way I will never have those thoughts of, what if I had done this, and I will have a back up plan if all falls through...and I won't have to start from scratch. It was good food for thought.

Anyways, no work for tomorrow, but hopefully I will be working the rest of the week. You guys will be the first ones to know!

More updates to come!
Mucho <3

Monday, September 26, 2011

Story #61: Untitled

The crazy cooking and baking weeks are over and will start back up for the week of Halloween!! Can't wait :)

Tomorrow I will be working a very simple and short day on Blue Bloods. I'm pretty sure I will be portrayed as a pedestrian, walking back and forth from point A to point B or someone just chilling in one place. This is the beginning to the end of my no working weeks. Although, I do have to admit, these past couple weeks ended up being more tiring than the weeks where I had to work.

That's all I have for today. Nice and short.

More updates are sure to come.

Mucho <3

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Shake 'n bake

Warning: there are a lot of pictures in this post...

So my cooking adventure actually started on Wednesday night...

I prepared all the dry ingredients.



Thursday, I went shopping...again (I basically go grocery/bakery shopping at least 4 days a week), and dry rubbed my baby back ribs. Laid the ribs out on aluminum foil, finished mixing the rest of my dry ingredients in, and got down and dirty with my babies, mm mmm, smelled soo so good. All cooking aside, I swear, I have changing neon signs on my forehead; one for every occasion of my life. Too bad I don't have one that says please hum/sing an accompanying Broadway musical or movie theme song to this dramatic moment in my life. How cool would that be? Yea...anyways, if you remember, I had the one sign that said "please hollar at me. I like creepy fellas and old men speaking their dirty thoughts out loud, taking pictures, and whistling", one saying "please speak Asian to me -- helps remind me of my Japanese background" -- **wait what?**, one that says "I'm a native New Yorker so please ask me for directions" -- if you actually knew me, I'm terrible with directions and use the GPS for every place I drive or walk to. And now, "I'm a lost little Asian girl in the market". To be honest, these last two really aren't that bad. I like trying to be a good Samaritan, so I throw my quick solving problem cap on and try to help out...now if I could just do that for myself. And the last one, well obviously, I don't have to stand wide-eyed trying to figure out where everything is and how to find out what is fresh or ripe and what is not. Seriously, how often do you go to the store to get capers, ham steak -- no...it's not in the deli section and no, they do not know what it is, or frozen artichoke hearts. Anyways, I've spent a lot of money,  a lot of time, had a lot of adventures and learned a lot about grocery shopping. You would think that it was easy, but do you know how to pick good meat/veggies/fruit? Do you know the specific guidelines and "rules"? I always thought it was innate or something, Well, lo and behold, that "I'm a noob at shopping" sign instantly went up upon entering the grocery store -- I even had the chef at shop rite trying to figure me out.
**If you didn't know, I'm half Chinese and half Korean**

Alright, so Friday I baked like a mad man!

Chocolate Chip cookie from scratch...seriously these best recipe ever :)

These were AMAZING!!!






For Saturday's BBQ I made Campanelle Tuna Salad, Sweet Chicken Bacon Wrap, and RIBS! We also had special curry shrimp, hot dogs, hamburgers, and chicken

Took for ever to season and reduce the liquid

Soda did the trick -- got rid of that salty zing after tast
I didn't get to try them, but they were gone in an instant. All three racks. We also celebrated 3 birthdays:

♫ ♪ ♫ Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you... ♪ ♫ ♪ 



Gotcha!
 And finally today, Sunday.

nom nom nom
More updates to come...but for now, I have got to get some shut eye.
Mucho <3

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Story #60: Bake-off...

...with myself??

I'm so excited. Even though I wish I took a little more time and was a little more careful, I am very happy and proud of how they came out. But now that I know what I'm doing (well I kind of know what I'm doing), hopefully next time I will be even MORE happy with the results. I wish you could see the cakes in person, they look much better than the photos below (they were both for a fellowship diner):




The start of my fondant making experience

Left Cake was 99% covered in fondant and the cake on the left was a ganache covering with fondant strip on the bottom and squiggles


Oh, I also made these KILLER chocolate chip cookies...a recipe my brother sent me. They are amazing. Well, I think they were amazing. Best I've ever had at least.

Anyways, in honor of my newfound dedication to baking a lot for the rest of this year, I went to Michael's and bought a lot of baking utensils and glitter! There's a 50% off of one item coupon that you can print right off their website...I think within 2 days I went there 4 times and used at least 5 coupons. My mother taught me well :p

Finally, about work-work. I'm debating on whether or not I should just take the week off...I'm thinking and assuming that the lack of work is a mixture of downtime in shows and me being cycled out from the casting system. Meaning that there are moments when I will be super busy and others where I will rarely be used...which would be now. Plus, this way I can finally just relax and focus on things I want to do instead of having this subconscious anxiety of fear in missing phone calls.

Next on my list to bake for the week (not finalized): a fruit tart, two cakes, a cheesecake and truffles. There will be pictures at the end of the week! :)

More updates to come.
Mucho <3

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Story #59: Vacation Day

n. va·ca·tion  (v-kshn, v-) 
1. A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one with pay granted to an employee.
I realized, whether or not I work for the day on set, no day can be a vacation day. As you know, the way I get work is through phone calls from casting directors and if you miss the call, you can miss your chance of work. So, I'm always at my phones beckoning calls, keeping me on my toes without a second to live in the moment. I always have this lingering anxiety that keeps me from fully enjoying my day of relaxation. No worries, jobs will pick up and soon (hopefully) they will be calling me everyday to work! That's when I won't have these half vacation days of laziness. Until then, I've got dance, baking, the gym work-out classes (yes, I'm going to join a gym so I can stop be a lazy bum) and of course, church ✝. To be honest, ever since I started going back to church, things have been good. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened, in fact, I've been receiving less work than usual and my eating habits/exercise routine has been shot; but, something in life...in me, just feels better. Being welcomed and encouraged by the people at Grace Community Chapel has been such a blessing. I hope I will be able to help them as much as they have helped me and be able to uplift each person I interact with each day.

Moving on, I'm going to be baking a lot for the rest of the year; I'm so excited! I have everything planned out. I'm going to work with fondant, ganache, cakes, cookies, truffles, brownies, all that good stuff. My baking will start tonight. I'm baking two cakes, chocolate and yellow, tonight and decorating one with ganache and the other with fondant tomorrow. Next week I will be baking a cheesecake for my brother's birthday, Carrot Cake, another fondant cake, oreo truffles, and one more thing for a BBQ. AND I will be making a 7 layer guac dip, possibly Barley, Risotto with Ham and Mushrooms, and probably something to eat for the BBQ. Yay for cooking and baking! :)

I will be posting more pictures in the "Friends On Set" album tonight or tomorrow! More updates to come!
Mucho <3

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Story #58: Lucky winner

Thank you for taking our workshop and passing by our booth at the NY Salsa Congress!

 Dear Ms. Wong,

You have won a one month unlimited membership at the Piel Canela Dance and Music School! Simply bring a copy of this email to our studio and receive a 30 day card as of the date you give in this email.

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I had an amazing fun-packed Labor day weekend. I took my parents out for some Chicken and Rice on Saturday before going to the NY Salsa Congress. Henry and his partner had the SEXIEST zouk performance ever and I won a one month unlimited membership pass at the Pel Canela! :) On Sunday, I went to a wedding in Chinatown, NY (congrats to the newly weds!). It was fun, intimate, hilarious at times, beautiful and a very memorable experience. The bride was gorgeous. The after party was brought to you by a karaoke place in ktown. And of course, I went to get froyo right before.


News for work -- I'm working Blue Bloods on Thursday!! I promised brownies so I guess tomorrow I'll be baking...crossing my fingers that I don't burn myself. Oh, that reminds me. Last time I worked on blue bloods - last week - I don't know if I'm happy about it or a little sad but it was certainly an easy night of work. I had a late call time of 7pm and I was wrapped by 10pm. Basically, I traveled to NY, sat for three hours, didn't even work, and got paid for 8 hours. Eh, not too bad. Hopefully Thursday will be either just as short, or super long. :P


Hope your weekend was just as much fun. More updates to come!
Mucho <3